Night Wanderer

by, linda marie pharaoh carlson
September 5, 2012

She sails the seas of moonbeams
and pilots the mighty fleet
who follow close behind her
as each new star they greet.

Her world is filled with nothing
if not possibilities...
and in her dreams she conquers all,
she rules everything she sees.

Captured in the moments
of fleeting restful hours
Her dreamworld is her solace
where life and love are flowers.

But then there comes the dawning
to a bright and sunny day...
slowly she will awaken from
the dream world, and step away.

Til’ once again her moon appears
when she’ll begin to dream anew,
She’ll set her sails against night winds
and bid her cares adieu.

wings...

Ok...since I am SO BAD at blogging...no kidding...I just forget the thing exists...!!! I decided to
just start putting up pictures I like and that I think I'd like to share with everyone. I believe I might be
able to fill the thing up with those!! And at least some people would benefit from them and the wisdoms that go with them. AND...it will keep some of my favorites all in the same place, right?

Well, no one can say I didn't try (several times, as a matter of fact). Some people I know are blogging
fools! Can write at the drop of the hat about any tiny speck of information and make it 'pop' and something to enjoy.  I am a writer who can't seem to muster a blog! Now that's just sad!

Oh well, I'll put up my sayings and pictures for ya'll to pin or just whatever ppl do w/them and call it good. I might jot a few lines in between once in awhile, but it will primarily serve as housing for the
things I like to see, and hopefully...you'll like them too.

Have a great rest of the week everyone!

I have never really looked at it this way... but, it is a very good reminder that we serve a purpose in someone else's life. It's not always about us.
I would love to think that people I know just want to spend time with me and enjoy my sparkling personality...but, there are times when I feel like I am the only person they know when they need something I can give them. Be it a listening ear, a word of encouragement, a loan... lol!!

Trying to change my viewpoint about how I see myself in relationships, is probably the best thing I can do. Knowing that I am valuable to another at any point and time in their life, helps validate my purpose here.

I'm not so worried anymore about who calls when or for what. I'm just glad they call and I love every one of them. Toward the end of my friend Shirley's life, we didn't communicate so much. She was often not able to. But on her more lucid days, I knew that she needed to hear my voice. To be reassured and lifted up. I often felt that I failed her. And knowing that she thought the world of me, was always a mystery beyond my comprehension.

We have a purpose. It is not to "carry the world"... but it is to "care... in the world that we live in."  Whenever we have a chance to do it. I hope I have been the candle light for others along the way, to light the darkened hours of those who, for whatever reason, chose me over someone else, to call.

Whose world have you illumined lately? Do you feel like you may need a light out of a darkened hallway? I know you have people around you who have benefitted from your light...give them a call.
Perhaps it's time for them to shine.

Regardless, feel good about yourself and what you do. You make a difference!

Sorting today. And in doing so, coming upon more pictures of Shirley. Still grappling with the fact that she is gone. How can one just be gone? They were there and then they weren't.

I have faced this dilema all of my life. With my mom, my dog, relatives and friends, and I have to say that it never gets any easier. Never!

It is at times like this that I wonder what life is for? Really.
And I am a 'Christian'... no less. What grand lessons are we supposed to be learning whilst here on the green sphere that we tread? Whatever they may be, I don't think we learn them.

We continue to live like the world revolves around us individually. Like we are the most important things on the planet. Are we? And if we aren't, what is?

I dunno folks...after seeing one after another felled by death's merciless scythe in my lifetime, I still have nothing figured out. If death can't change the souls left behind, nothing can. If losing those that our feelings are so tied up with and wrapped up in to the point of breaking hearts and shattered lives, and unfulfilled dreams...is supposed to move us to be better, it isn't working.

Have lots of thoughts floating around the gray matter this week. Aftermath of loss.
And I suspect it won't be the last time.

My Dear Friend, Shirley

Ok... I admit it... I'm just plain lazy when it comes to blogging. I also fess up that I'm just not good at it like some. My efforts are puny, at best.
That said, I guess being in a blue funk this last week has prompted me to come and say something. I lost a very dear online friend I've had for 16 years who was laid to rest last wednesday. Her name was Shirley Braud. She was from Louisiana, married to a Cajun named Joe.

I'd met her online when neither of us knew anything about the www or much of anything about computers. We were both fearful of the big bad world of cyber space. We got over it. We grew in our sharing and friendship over the many years. I had never gotten the opportunity to meet her face to face, but I didn't need to.  I KNEW her deep down, and she did me.
We laughed together, cried together, consoled and cajoled each other, and spoke almost every day for years. I am missing her.

Over the last few years as her health declined, we talked less...but the thing is, every time we did, Shirl acted as though it was the high point of her day! Like I was the most important person in the world to her. She had that way about her. She was a bright spark in my life that kindled nothing but warm loving thoughts for sixteen years solid.

Some "friends" only call when they need something from me. Some consolation, encouragement, some computer help (lol), or just whatever, and then it's months and months until they ever call again. Until the next "urgent need" or call for help comes in. Some never think of you until they realize they've missed your birthday & quickly call to give you their belated wishes. I dunno...in my entire life, I think I can honestly say that I've only had one really true friend who only wanted to just be there for me. Who really wanted to know what I was all about. Who didn't judge me or use me or any other thing. And that one person is the one person I never met up close and personal.

She was a blessing in my life. I only hope I was a small blessing in some small way to hers. I always felt that I failed her so many times. But she never had, me.
This post is dedicated to Shirl. My forever friend who I miss knowing, is still here gracing the lives of so many. I miss her, knowing that my dearest friend, I will only get to see, when I cross over in death's hour for me. I look forward to a big hug from her when I do. I look forward to just being near the dearest person I could ever have met all those years ago, when cyber world was such an intimidating place to be.

God Speed my dear friend. And Thank you, God...for the friendship we've shared.
Someone reading this may just need to know that oftentimes a real true friend for life is but a key stroke away.   May the friends you meet along the way be as genuine and loving as my Shirl. And may you always have that someone special to share life with.

Sincerely, linda

Dedicated to Shirley Braud

and...The Sister God Gave Me

http://ecards.dayspring.com/files/ecards/ec401888-pn01.swf

 

God Bless your Easter Celebration!

 

It's hard to pray...

For people. Not the ones I know and love...but others. Those who do such awful terrible things in life.
Case in point: in a facebook group called: "Justice for Max" ... about sweet dog who for 10 years was left on a leash outside to virtually starve (meaning he probably only got fed when the "inconvenience of feeding him" was not so terribly overwhelming to the people who Max was unfortunately saddled with), and suffer until confiscated by animal control.  Max only lived three days while in custody of the fine people who made his last three days as comfortable for him as could be possible under the circumstances.

Max looked like a big black German Shepard, I say "big" but he was a shadow of him self and how he should have been due to mal-treatment and the aforementioned starvation.

Those dear people have worked tirelessly in their province in NF to get laws passed that would hold such atrocities against animals in account.

Later, there was a picture of a small brown and black puppy who looked like he fell asleep amongst the cast off soda bottles at someone's apartment. Upon closer inspection, the real story was revealed. The person who had the puppy had hit him in the head with a hammer and just let him lay there to die.

My heart is broken for these sweet innocent beings. God's creation.

I am praying right now, that SOMEONE will listen and pass the laws necessary to hold the people who do such hideous things to animals accountable and that they can be fully prosecuted for their heinous acts!

Do these ppl in authority think that this type of behavior in their world is acceptable? I am watching this as it unfolds in Newfoundland. I am watching Newfoundland! And I hope that the world will not only watch with me, but do whatever they can to further the cause against animal cruelty there and everywhere!

Please do what you can. Go to Facebook and join Max's group. Justice for Max. And, pray.
thank you

Writing Frustration

Writer's Block

It doesn't look right
It doesn't feel right
It doesn't flow right...
It keeps me uptight.
It bothers my day
and keeps me up at night.
What it needs is
a complete rewrite.
I chase that beguiling muse
taken flight.
Will no one help me
with my tortured plight?
Or just explain to me at all,
why I must write?

lmpc© 

Praying for Susan

Currently, I am spending time praying for the well being of my friend, Susan. She's had some scary health concerns of late and today was her birthday. She's my age.

I love her to pieces!

I don't have a lot of people I consider real friends in life, but Susan is one! When I arrived at OHS waaaay back when...after losing my mom then being set out on my own barely 15 years of age, Susan was one of THE only girls in that entire high school to give me the time of day. She was a free spirit and really didn't give a hoot what anyone said or thought.

She and I "hung out" all the time. Skipped year book meetings to ride around and get into mischief and just spend time having what we thought was fun back then. She was more like my sister than just a friend. I called her mom "mom"... and later in life, she was "gramma" to our two kids. She's still going into her 90's!! And Susan is just as wonderful as she's ever been with a lot of "mom" thrown in!

Being considered part of Susan's family was one of my greatest memories and joys. She might not remember half the things that went on back then, but I remember every one of them! You see, when I came to that little community, I was a lost soul. Seriously. And no one even took time to dig beneath the surface to get to know me at all...except for Susan. And she seemed to like me. 

Life up to that point had been messy and I was just in limbo. My feelings were all on hold while I tried to make sense of life and go to school and be a "normal" kid (as normal as one can be under the circumstances). And part of my "normal" was having a good friend like Susan. We went to school dances and double dated and even sent for 'paper dresses' ... to wear at the annual Fun Days Celebration! We dodged dates with boys we didn't like and pursued dates w/those we did! And we just had fun, always.

She's someone who thankfully didn't believe the rumors about "the new girl" and set about finding some of the real me inside the shell of a girl that I was then. I am so grateful to her for her loving friendship then and now. She's a special special woman who is needed by her family and today and every day hereafter... there's a block of time set aside to just pray for her restored health and safety! 

I may have only had one good friend growing up. It may well be that Susan will go down in the annuls of history as being the best friend a person could ever have.  To have rescued the sinking spirit of a lonely and messed up little girl of 15, and brought her through one of the toughest times of her life is quite a feat. She did that. And I will always love her for it!

Feel Better Suz!

On Being an Independent Woman

I may not necessarily seem like an independent woman these days...but I still am. And I have been since I turned fifteen years of age.

I lost my mother after a long battle she’d experienced with cancer, just a month - almost to the day, after I turned 15. I remember little about my teen years or any of the prior years of mom’s illness really.  Just bits of memories here and there. My father pretty much abandoned me then too, for the life he wanted to live...which excluded me. So, I was thrown into independence early on, one might say.

Back then, a young girl without guidance and direction from anyone, made for some pretty shaky traveling along life’s pathways. But I learned as I journeyed the way.

I quit school after my sophomore year because no one was there to pay tuition and books, or get me situated for a new school year. I hadn’t had a counselor, a teacher, or even a family friend or relative that had paid any attention to what I might be going through as a young girl who’d just lost her mom (and dad). No one seemed to care. 

My oldest sister did eventually take me to live with her and her family of four kids. I wanted desperately to go back to school and fulfill a silent promise I’d made to mom (and to myself) that I would be the one girl in the family that graduated. I did go back to school and I did graduate when I was supposed to, but went back after graduation, the following year, for the entire first semester, just to make up for the one I’d lost after initially dropping out.
I was elated to think that I had actually accomplished that in life!

I also promised myself (and my mom in heaven) that I would be married for a life time, no matter what. I guess after 44 years of married life (almost) and raising two kids, I am well on my way to fulfilling that promise as well.

I have written my life long and had told myself that I wanted to see a book published at some point. Raising kids and being busy with all their activities, volunteer work and church kept me so busy, I hardly had time to think about it really. But I was and always have had to be strong and independent in my life, and determined. And it was with that self determination that I saw my life long dream come to fruition in January of 2010. I had made up my mind that my kids needed a legacy. A tangible “something” that they could actually put their hands on after I’m gone. Therefore, I began compiling and editing years worth of material to make what would end up being my first book called; Wanderings Of A Wayward Heart...Ponderings Of A Well Found Soul. A book of selected poetry and short stories and quotes that reflected sixty years of life as I knew it.

I have discovered that even when you seem to be alone, or you have no encouragement or help along life’s byways, being your own encourager, and becoming a strong and independent thinking woman will propel you over the obstacles that you may find in the way.

Making up your mind to develope a strong will and employing a strong resolve to not allow those obstacles to discourage or dissuade you, will lead you to being able to accomplish goals you have set for yourself. To realize dreams that you’ve had for a life time. And, reassure you that you are a person of value and worth.

Many may think a woman shouldn’t be independent.

And my own independence was virtually forced upon me in life, and one that I was neither prepared for, nor wanted. But I can look back over the years now and see that being the indepedent person that I am has made so many things possible for me. Has made me appreciate the small blessings more, made me strong enough to endure the chronic illness I’ve dealt with for 34 years, as well as many hardships that have come, and ultimately, it has given me wings.

Don’t let anyone ever clip your wings and tell you that you shouldn’t fly! Your personal independence will help you soar higher than you ever thought possible. It did me, and I know it will for you.

Put to rest...

 We attended a life-long friends funeral the other day. I read a couple of poems. It's hard to try to sum up the total embodiment of a 96 year old soul in a mere few words. Marge Lester was somewhat of a home town legend. She was always "sweet" and kind to everyone, always had a ready smile and a helping hand.

She was a helping hand to her husband, Don and family. Worked beside him on their farm for years, and then in town when Don purchased the local Mobile Gas Station. I had known them from the time I was just able to walk clear on through the almost sixty-three years of my life.

Mama played piano in the band with Marge and their "gang." Only, Marge was able to make that wonderful music for 54 years, mama only lasted about 15 before leaving this earth to join heaven's musical troop. But those days are permanently embedded in my heart. My best childhood memories are wrapped up in the times that Marge and their crew of musicians and friends would gather together. It was just about an every week occasion. There'd be potlucks and barbeques, corn on the cob and homemade pies. The kids would ride the pigs at Fairchild's farm and chase chickens. And then there were the days that the group would play at the Ogden City Hall dances. I would often climb atop the chair trolley piled high with coats and fall fast asleep while the band played on, tired from all the running and chasing each other and shenanigans with the other kids there.  I would often be found standing on my dads shoes while he held my hands tight and danced me around the room to the tunes. To my knowledge, there was never a charge to attend the dances, never a fight, and parents never had to worry about their kids who were there. It was "that special time" that today's world will probably never have the pleasure of knowing. Unlocked doors, smiles that would greet you on the street and people actually talking together as they physically gathered together regularly in each others homes.

When mama and Marge and the gang weren't playing music together, they'd play cards, or go watch whatever events were going on at the park or just wherever.

Putting Marge to rest was difficult. It brought all those "good time" memories flooding back to me. I have those flash backs once in awhile and the result is always the same...tears. And then the whole "I know things would have been different, if only"... thoughts. If only mom would have been here to play those 54 years along with the band. Gotten to meet my husband and her two grandchildren. Shoot! She probably would even have had them both inducted into the band long ago!

Marvelous Marge. Aunt Modge, to me. She and Unca Don served as pivotal role models in my life. Of good, kind, warm and loving people. Of what "good people" are all about in life. I miss them. And I will miss just knowing that she's around. But I know good and well that she's joined mama, Fred, Chet and so many others gone on, as part of heavens band now. I know too, that on some days...especially when I'm feeling a little lonely or down, if I listen really hard...I will hear a few of those heavenly strains just when I need them most.

This is my "Thank you" to Marge for all that she was (and is yet) in my memory.  Cherished memories of another place and time, another world. One that helped sustain me through a long spell w/o those I loved the most closest to me. I drew strength from them. And everyone who ever knew Marge these many years past, could in deed draw strength by her exemplary life.

Good bye dear, Marge. Tell my mom I'll be there when the final sun sets for me. And I'll know just where to go when I get there when I hear the music playing.

Post Script:
Life changed dramatically for me at about age 12 when mama was diagnosed with cancer. I saw very little of her around the house, or dad. They were always having to go to Iowa City or some such other medical facility and or hospital. Our dear old sweet neighbors, Clyde and Daisy Hall looked after me some. She fixed great lunches for me every day when mom was gone. Not sure, as my memories of those days is so fuzzy, really where I spent the nights or even how I got to school most days. I think I went on my own for the most part. When mama died I had just barely turned 15 the month (almost to the exact day) before. Just when I needed her the most. Dad didn't seem to want me around anymore and I was left to fend for myself until my oldest sister-eighteen years my senior, (who I barely knew) took me into her home.

Marge represented the end of a great era in my life. She represented all that was good that I possessed from a vague and all too brief childhood. Her passing brought it all back to me and has probably affected me more than I can even realize. I do know one thing, even though we don't always see those who are special to us daily, or maybe not very often at all in our busy day to day routines, just knowing that they're gone can do a number on us. Unique and special people being gone from us, never to be replaced, can poke a right big hole in our hearts from time to time. And filling that empty place with just a bit of the essence they've left us as their legacy can help.

Playing Words With Friends

I do this.
Sometimes I think I do this just to make sure my friends know I'm still alive. After all, when  you start a game you more than likely have to keep it going until someone wins. Ergo, one must at the very least, make one play a day, right? And, if after several days pass & there are no new plays by me, perhaps it would make them wonder a little at my whereabouts. It might very well take several days, but they may eventually get around to emailing or calling.
It seems phone use is somewhat going the way of U.S. mail and actual letters written. No one does it much these days.

I miss those days of personal contact, how about you? When you anxiously awaited for the mail man to deliver some bit of news from a friend or relative far away? When you could hardly wait to hear something from that person/persons that you cared so much for.

Computers have brought about so many good things. But some very bad as well. And one that can not ever be replaced again in our life times, intimacy shared in a close and caring relationship.
I love my computer, don't get me wrong, but... it has us becoming a bit more cold and impersonal.

I remember the family and friend "get togethers' I experienced as a child before my mom died. They'd come over in the droves, play music, play cards, laugh, share and it was face to face, up close and personal. If someone struggling in the group needed a hug, they got it! Instant bolstering that you could feel!
So many 'good old day' scenarios, now just a memory.
Kids, and grandkids today won't even have a clue what it is to sit down and hand write a letter to someone. They'll all come to believe it was something just as 'far out' as our thinking about letters being delivered by pony express was.

Yep! We've come a long way, baby! But somewhere along the journey, we may have lost a bit of our personhood. And the way we can communicate. Oh, it's faster...probably less costly in the long range, and more efficient. It's instant.  But some days, it's just nice to hear a voice, hear a laugh, or see eyes that actually light up.

Communication is a lost art. One that was pushed full throttle into the 21st century & landed upon a little lit up screen on a desk.

If you get a break sometime and want to hear someone actually speak one of these days...hey, let me know! Pick up a phone, if you still have one...and say "hey!" I'd be glad to be at the receiving end of your call.
Until next time, why not try to call a friend you haven't talked to in awhile. Invite them over for a cup of something & play some cards! Might be a little fun, especially if you haven't done that in awhile.

In the meantime,  I'll go check out the Words With Friends board and see if I'm winning or losing.
Have a good week end folks!

Outlook

I may be...

...the only short, fat, bald, old white lady that watched Whitney Houston's 'Going Home' all the way through today, but then...I sort of doubt it.
One may rant all the day long about this being covered in the news media, flags ordered at half staff, the whole unanswered questions surrounding her death, but one thing is true through it all - she was a talent to be reckoned with. She also was beloved by many many people, and will be missed.

To her family, I express my sincere condolences. There just are no words. And although her physical presence will no longer grace this earth, her beautiful one of a kind voice will forever grace the hearts of everyone who ever heard it.

Today was Whitney Day. Her services were moving and expressive. I watched 'The Bodyguard' tonight. It had been a very long time since I had watched it. And it just served to remind me, once again...why we are all a sad lot today. She was a talented and lovely woman that no one can ever replace, for there is no one else like her.
It also reminded me that God is intrinsically interested in each and every person and that knowing Him, is one of the most important claims we can ever make in life.
I feel that indeed, Whitney, without a doubt, cut the tethers that bound her here and left it all behind to be with Him. Her life struggles are done. And for so many of her loved ones left behind...new struggles that come from her being gone, are just beginning.

My hope is that Bobbi Christine will lean on those in her life that will keep her solid. She will need all the help she can get from those who really care. I was but a month into being fifteen years old when my mother died...I KNOW how decimated it makes the human heart.

However you feel or don't, about this today, I would only hope that if you are a praying person, you would keep her and the family in your prayers. The world at large has lost a special person. And no, it's not a soldier, or a Pulitzer Prize winner, or dignitary... no hero in some people's eyes, but just a simple girl who had a talent which she freely shared with everyone. If she made you smile, laugh, or brought tears to your eyes, she spent her life entertaining YOU! And she deserves recognition for her efforts.

May God give you peace and rest, Whitney. You will be missed.

of birds and beasts...

There is nothing that bears more truth than this. In reading about and seeing poor precious animals being rescued from labs across the nation, my heart just breaks knowing that they have been experimented upon, put through hell in their short little life spans. Many, born and bred specifically for the purpose of experimentation, and never seeing the sun or touching a paw to grass. 

Those who would keep doing such things would, in my book, be equally as insensitive to an innocent child, an elderly person...or any one other who may be considered the "lesser" of them.

And "for the good of mankind" should not EVER include the neglect of or abuse of any innocent being!  And...unless the world as we know it ends tomorrow & we have to begin foraging for our scraps of food...I will never believe that hunters are a good lot! I don't like them...I don't like what they do.

As long as the corner grocery store still has food to sell - there is NO EXCUSE ever...for hunting and killing a beautiful animal. Until clothiers no longer sell coats to keep you warm, or hardware stores no longer sell utensils...there is no reason for any of it. I loathe those who think hanging the heads of dead animals on the wall is something noble and to be proud of. It most certainly is not. As one of my sons always says... "give the hunter nothing more than a sling shot and let him go up against the adversary...and then lets see how they do." 

Sorry folks. Just had to gripe a bit about this as it has weighed heavily of late.

Maybe I'm a bit grumpier too, from not having been able to keep to my schedule. Off the treadmill for the third day AGAIN! And not eating right. Just plain disgusted with things right now.

Do you ever get that way?

Well... do ya?

I got my 2¢ worth in anyway & I promise not to be so grumpy next time.

Day 5...

...on ye olde' treadmill!!! It's getting harder...not easier!! But then, I'm soon going to be sixty-three (good Godfrey!!!!!! how did I get here????) and the added aches & pains associated with that fact can slow one down. But I keep getting back on the thing as long as I can.

Now, the eating thing is going better too. Not perfect by a long shot, but better. I still struggle w/eating the wrong things. All the lovely recipes I find on Pinterest do not help much! If anyone has a fool proof way of disciplining their eating and curbing the desire for sweets...(other than telling myself that the bad stuff is actually poison, which only works once in awhile) let me know!

If you're a young person reading this...I will tell you what I was always told when I was  your age, "your day is coming!" and it will come before you know it! It is TRUE!!!! I can't emphasize that enough today.
Because my mind keeps telling me I'm thirty every day, but I've looked in the mirror and wondered "who is looking back" as my huge dose of reality stares back at me! What the ....happened?? I went to bed young and able and woke up the next day a doddering old fool! And whether you think that day is far off or not, it is going to happen to you. I never thought it would, but I look back all those years and wonder if it was someone else's life that was lived? Sooooo long ago, but really only a blink!

Anyway, take care of yourself when you're young, it will help immensely when you are into your sixties! And for those of you in my age group and beyond...it is never too late to get up and move!! So, make up your mind to travel inches a day. An inch in the right direction will get you years of mileage... even when you look like your grandma, you'll still be able to keep up with part of the thirty year old thoughts floating around in your gray matter! 

Have a great day everyone!

I am the third day in...

...on the treadmill again! I keep pushing and hoping that this time I can stick for awhile.
One thing I haven't got a handle on quite yet is the whole "not eating sweets thing."  And I NEED to!
Diabetes looms ever near and I have to start taking things seriously at some point. I have a few good leads on helpful websites for those with or on the brink of diabetes & when I have an extra minute, I will surely post them here for anyone that might find them helpful.

I want to feel better and I would like to help everyone else feel better along with me. So, let's put our best foot forward and give it a try anyway. I try to better my time, speed, and distance on the TM every day, as well as stretching exercises each time. Nothing too fantastic, but enough that I feel it later when I go to bed! Let's make this the year that we do what we can to feel the at peak of our health! And if I slip... I hope somebody out there will catch me when I fall. Good Lindt/Lindor Chocolate is my downfall folks. Do you have anything that nags at you to consume it against your better judgement? Peanut Butter & Chocolate will 'do me in' every time!

  =)

About loneliness...

I saw this on FBk today and thought I'd post it here:

“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.”―Unknown

* Check out the attached blog on tips for dealing with loneliness.

 

6 Steps From Lonlely To Lovely [BLOG]

 

Linda Carlson Sometimes walls are built to insulate from further harm. Each new hurt produces yet another brick. Brick by brick...the walls are built. It takes someone like Jesus, who will stand on the other side ... patiently, lovingly, waiting for the one behind the wall to provide them an entry in. Walls are usually only built as a 'keep safe' by most people.

a few seconds ago 

I wrote this in February of 2009 and thought it appropriate:

Treadmill

Well, today was the day to climb back on & give it a go! I checked back and it had been NOVEMBER of this last year since I'd been walking! WoW!  Between the bone spurs on the bottom of my feet, the CFS, Myofascial Pain Disorder, and Arthritis...coupled with a very nasty virus around that time that lasted a good two & a half months, that's quite a stretch!

Plus the fact that since I've hit the sixties...it is just not all that easy anymore, but I keep trying. And I will as long as I can move.

I went all of 20 some minutes and didn't feel I accomplished much, but...it's a start.  I am inspired by a young lady in town who has been getting on her treadmill and walking of late. I admire her efforts and felt maybe I'd better start myself. I used to walk every day & over a mile. It felt good and I felt better. But it is getting more difficult with all the things working against me.  =[ 

I don't do it to lose weight (although that would be nice) ... but to try to be at my best level of health possible. I have a good 'shakes like a bowl full of jelly...belly' going that needs me to walk too!
I guess it all comes down to those three C's mentioned in my last post.  The first one involves taking that first step. I only hope I can continue. It seems I can go a couple of days and then some darn fool thing will flare up and stop me.


I would always use the time on the TM to pray too. Otherwise, I am not a very disciplined pray-er and can sort of just go at it willy-nilly. I have missed the solid prayer times. So...despite the fact I swore off sweets (I stuffed a huge brownie in my mouth today)...and failed, I will keep going on the machine as often as possible and T R Y not to eat the sugary stuff (my downfall is chocolate!) Guess I should add that as a fourth C in the equation! Just gotta have it! But...will do my best to choose the right stuff to help better my health. I won't give up and that must count for something!

Change

Well, here it is February and this many days past the start of the New Year and here I am still stuck where I was back in 2011, or so it seems!  I have found that time truly passes by too quickly in my dottering years. But then, I hear 'young folk' say the same thing. I often think that our life patterns can lodge in a rut that leads absolutely nowhere. And, that staying in that rut will have us found at the end of our days, shaking our heads and completely befuddled as to how we got there!

I found this saying the other day and felt it appropriate along this line of thought. So often it's just a matter of FINALLY making up your mind to choose to do things differently. That's the first step. Whether it's to start that new exercise program, mount the treadmill every day (like you used to...but got lazy) or trying to beat a destructive habit. Telling yourself that "it's TIME to do things differently" is a good beginning. The second 'C' about taking chances is something that may need a little more work.

Trying to convince yourself that the risk is worth the chance you take.

If you want to quit smoking but are afraid you'll get fat (a common misnomer associated with that act), you will never know if you can quit and keep your girly - or hunky physique, if you just don't try. If you convince yourself in your mind that it's going to happen and you are too fearful to put yourself out there, you have already defeated yourself before you begin.

If you stop eating the bad stuff that makes you feel good 'temporarily' what's going to eventually happen? It may feel great the moment you eat that small indulgence, but that  spur of the moment choice will eventually wear your body down and make it more susceptible to illness and disorder. Making a choice to not eat it says "I am in control, nothing out there controls me." 

Enough of the right choices in our lives leads to the inevitable third 'C'... that of change. How many times I personally have said, "I wish things could change" in a certain area of my life, only to ignore the obvious...change starts with choices that I make. I have more power over some of these things than I give myself credit for.

So, wherever you are in your personal journey into the new year, I hope you'll wrap your mind around the "3 C's" line of thought and begin to implement their truth. And, I hope you'll all keep me accountable for the choices I seem to make contrary to my own best interests.

It starts with one step in the right direction...I want to take that step.

How about you?

Anonymous Family

  I had an occasion to be at the specialties clinic at the hospital a few months ago. And while awaiting the Dr. to fit me in...I got to observe a young couple w/their little boy. The mom had been gone for awhile somewhere and the dad was a very very cute/handsome typical guy w/a ball cap and gray t-shirt, well built, strong and young, for sure. He was what you might call a "hunk"! Yes, even old ladies notice!

Well there he was with his little son perched on his lap and he was patiently reading a story to him. The little guy was pretty attentive and well behaved...probably around 2 and a half or three tops. I noticed dad being exceptionally patient when the boy climbed down off his lap. Dad had told him to "not go past the line" across the floor, that separated the clinic from the hospital atrium.
And the little boy dutifully stayed close by. Mom came in and was "ME" when I was that young. She had on a black split top that tied in the back. She was slim, long straight brown hair that she easily gathered with a twist into a pony tail of sorts in the back. She was just lovely. She immediately sat down w/her little family and I saw him brush hair from her eyes. They gave each other a short kiss and not long after, they were all called back into the lab/xray area away from view.

I don't know why they intrigued me so, I just know that I felt an instant warm bond with these perfect strangers right off.
And my "mom" instincts prompted me to utter a silent prayer on their behalf. After all, they WERE in a hospital clinic.

I didn't know why they were there, or just who was being seen, or for what - but I was just compelled to ask God for protection of this loving, lovely little threesome.

They reminded me so of my husband and I just starting out in life so very many years ago. Our new little son and the love and connection shared then. Made me sentimental and somewhat wistful of the past. We travel such long and winding roads in our journey called life...and I guess that loving little group will be on my mind for some time to come. I'll keep praying for them, and although I don't know who they are... God does.

And in our traveling through the thickets of trouble, I may not be able to do any one thing for them in life that you can put your finger on and say, "This was what I did to help them on their way" - I can do one thing that will help, that they will never even know about...and that is to pray that God will keep them safe through the storms that inevitably will come.

Through the unforseen winds of change and mighty Tsunami's of trouble that can test even the most secure family foundations and threaten to sweep them away, maybe, just maybe... the sincere prayers of a stranger will help them to keep their eyes open to the rainbow at the end of each one, instead of the storm clouds which have threatened to break them.

I am not quite sure why we are imprinted with random situations and people we happen upon in life, but we often are. In this case, I observed a beautiful, attentive and loving, very young little family just beginning life together...and in light of the craziness of the world that surrounds them, the trials that are sure to come, I desperately want them to make it through whole and intact at the end of it all..

God bless this little family and keep them in your care...

And you? Keep your eyes open towards the rain clouds and never stop looking for that rainbow of hope at the end of your storm.

Have a good day! (gosh, I was skinny way back when...and had HAIR!!)
Linda

Growing up in Boone, Iowa

This was my very first school some fifty-eight years ago!

For me, much of it was a blur. My childhood was just sort of "there"... but, I do remember Marion Street and the Marion Street United Methodist Church, pretty well. I remember Reverand Hoyle. And I remember that he was killed when a tractor he was driving overturned on him.

I can vividly remember the cool cement basement of the church where I went to Sunday School. My mom was part of the ladies group and she and I would be in church on Sundays. My dad only went on Easter back then. I remember that it's the first time I ever heard that Jesus loved me. Although I wasn't sure about Him! :-)

I walked from our tiny little house all the way up Marion Street, past Lyle and Goldie Dorrel's place and the Thompson's (the local drug store guy) and Carrel's (on the corner)... and then straight East a couple of blocks to Lincoln Grade School. It's where I started. I just heard that they will be doing away with Lincoln School soon, which saddens me. So much of the few memories I have are tied into the time worn landmarks and buildings there, and they seem to be disappearing one by one.

It was a good place as I remember, where a kid could be a kid. Where teachers actually cared about whether you learned something or not. Miss Ball was the principal, and I remember Miss Maroff, the fourth grade teacher (I think). She's the one that caught me and Larry Phipps and Bill McBirnie making fun of her and made us stand out in the hallway for the duration of class! We really did deserve it. And I walked to school with Chris and Candy Culver and Ted (Thurlow) Deal. I remember seeing President Eisenhower and Mamie traveling East bound through town one year...I might only have been in kindergarten or first grade then.

And I remember downtown West Boone! Maggie and Max's corner drug store where a kid could go and get a scoop of chocolate ice cream with marshmellow sauce and Max would always put a cherry on top, for a pittence! My favorite time was meandering my way to Maggie's Drug store and spending the pennies and nickles on that fantastic green spearmint flavored taffy and Walnetto's, and pink candy lipstick! And of course listening to Max's worldly wisdoms.

Yep! My very young years I remember with some measure of joy and warm fondness. And I feel sad that today's kids don't have the opportunity to experience that simple life, that gift of being able to just be a kid...without the heavy demands and responsibilities that they seem to be loaded up with today. No rush to get to this ball game or that lesson, only a rush to get home, peel off the school duds and shoes and run barefooted in the grass until suppertime acting out whatever our imaginations could conjure!

West Boone was home. And a fine place to foster the hopes and early dreams of one little girl. I'll write more about it later...what about you? Was your home town a nurturing place or a nuthouse you couldn't wait to get out of?

On beginnings...

In my previous post, I'd mentioned a long sought after answer to the mystery of our paternal heritage.

Through several generations, there was a bit of a 'tall tale' scenario handed down by word of mouth. One that left us all wondering, and, pretty much ended with my Father's Father.
No one had any information concerning my grandfather Pharaoh beyond the fact that he married our grandmother and had kids who in turn, had us!

But the mystery had been revealed that someone somewhere had been left on a doorstop in England and that orphaned child was given both his first and last name from the Bible, and then raised in the family of the ones that took him in.

Well, now the mystery is somewhat put to rest. With the revelation from a newly found 4th cousin, once removed, that my (and her) great great great grandfather, was indeed a foundling left on the stoop (by gypsies some suspect), in October of 1747. He was immediately taken to the local Vicor of St. Catherine's Church of Eskdale. It was St. Crispin's Day and the Vicor therefore gave my great great great Grandfather the first name of Crispin. A now, long-standing name in the Pharaoh family lineage.

The last name: Pharaoh, was given him it is thought for the association of gypsies that had encamped where the child was abandoned and their subsequent association with the tribes of Egypt...and, or...the better explanation in my opinion, because little Crispin was orphaned to be raised by strangers, just like little Moses set upon the bull rushes and taken in by Pharaoh's daughter.
Regardless, that's quite a beginning for a family lineage! And it's truly odd that the pages of the book that these facts were recorded in at St. Catherine's, several generations later, 1950, to be exact, was vandalized and ripped from the book!

Why would anyone in the world not want the information on those pages to exist any longer? Ah, another mystery.

And in a day when gypsies were not known to abandon boy children to strangers, it makes it even more odd. But...the facts were recorded. The records show the truth of my Great Great Great Granfather's tenuous beginnings. And my family stands as living proof that Crispin grew up to be a father, grandfather and great great great grandfather to many generations.

It is my understanding that Crispin spent his days working in and around the church where he began life, St. Catherine's. The Vicor must have felt a special kinship to the young orphan that he had such a part in starting on his life journey.

I have so many questions and probably always will. But at least now I have some solid footing on which to build. And, thankfully, answers to questions I and my siblings have had our entire lives through.

Crispin Pharaoh. An honorable man. An orphan...taken in and grown into young manhood to carry on through the ages. A constable, waller (brick worker) and young father to many! My humble beginnings.

I have much to be grateful for today!

Thrilled!

In all my years...some odd sixty two of them now, and in my geneology endeavors, I have never once gotten past my paternal grandfather. It was he who brought these efforts to a stand still completely!

My paternal grandfather's lineage always stalled with him.
My cousin from California was here last month and informed me that his daughter (another cousin whom I've never had an occasion to meet), had been in contact with a woman from the UK, where we all knew we'd had our humble beginnings.
He contacted his daughter who then emailed to see if it was alright to submit my email address to this lady in the UK, for which I agreed.

I am SO glad I did!!

She contacted me right away and invited me to her family site on ancestry.com. Ours is on myheritage.com. She had in excess of 4,000 members and information with a direct link to my father's lineage there in England! Needless to say, I was seeing information that I'd never seen before! Pictures that brought it all home for me, and a realization that things that we'd heard as 'rumors' throughout the decades, were indeed true!!
To say I was thrilled with all of this is an understatement, as we'd searched for some truth and sense of belonging for years! Now, here it was right in front of me.
All this new information will keep me busy for a long while as I digest the new found facts of my origin.

How interesting and gratifying to have a sense of beginning and belonging.
And as I think about this, I realize how akin this feeling is, to the absolute sense of 'family' and belonging that comes with an adoption into the family of God.

When we finally 'find our place' in God's family, after possibly a lifetime of just sort of muddling through our days trying to figure out how everything is supposed to work, just where we fit in this vast universal schematic called 'life', and why we should even bother trying to find out... to finally, actually make the discovery that we DO belong somewhere...we have 'connections'.

God's family is not all-inclusive. It is an open door into one of the biggest families of all. The only thing one has to do, is find the right door. When you do, that same thrill that came with the realization that my earthly family ties actually DO exist and go way back and have always existed, and that they include me and my entire family...is an overwhelming thrill.

My lineage had it's beginnings In Egremont, Cumberland, England. But even before that...I believe I have a heavenly 'connection'...that far out-thrills this new found knowledge of mine.

Have a great day everyone, and may you always find your place in this world...and beyond!

Speaking of the Walton's

...I saw the episode where Elizabeth had her heart broken from her first crust on an "older man"... the parson...who, of course, had to let her down gently.
It was so touching.
John went up to her room and just gently talked her through it and offered his own "broken heart" story as a young teenager of fourteen.
He then gave her a hug and offered to take her out to dinner and dancing so she could wear the "new dress" she had painstakingly made "just for her crush!!"...so he would notice how grown up she was.

She refused, but later came down in that dress with her first time ever nylon stockings on ready for that date w/dad. Jason was at the piano and they danced around the room before they left.

I cried.

I remember vaguely dancing on my dad's shoes at the Saturday Night Shindigs that my mom and her band played locally. Well, locally for us...actually, a lot of them were in the next town over in their City Hall building.
I only remember two other things about my dad really...at least good things that I can cling to. He always saved his chocolate oval shaped cake with the creme filling and pecans at each end from his lunch to give to me when he got home from work.
I looked forward to them almost every other day. And, I think he attended one father daughter function when I was in Bluebirds (or maybe by then, Campfire Girls??)... and I remember little about it actually.

I longed for that Walton type of Father my whole life. And although it was merely a show on tv...I envisioned that it was about as close to what everyone would ever want in a dad or family you could get.

And while I didn't have that experience in life, I am looking forward to getting to heaven some day (at least I hope so), and when I get there, one of the first things I'd like to do is ask my heavenly father if He'd dance with me.

And if He says yes...it's then I'll really know His love for me is real.

How about it? Are you looking to dance in heaven one day?

Have a good day and, a good week end up coming.

The Waltons

...we are not. Nor are many of the families I know. Lately, my tiny three (which constitutes our immediate family at the moment), have begun watching the reruns of this television series from the 70's.
It's been so long now that they all seem like new episodes to us. Oh, we remember some of them or bits of others, but on the whole, it's like watching them for the first time, and we love it!
Even my husband has commented that he "tears up" when watching them on occasion.

Now, here we are, well into the 21st century "tearing up" and pining over a make believe tv show family from long ago. What is it about them that pulls our heart-strings? Why, after 35 plus years later, are we so drawn to the drama that was made up of a family of actors playing the parts of a well-rounded family of the depression and WWII era's?

I think back then, even as we do now...we long to BE that family. We long for the days of simplicity where family cared for one another unconditionally and deeply. Where nothing came between them and if you insulted one, it was an insult to all.
That pretend family up on the mountain found the little girl 'me', yearning to be a part of them back then, and still today.
It's not something akin to anything I had ever experienced in my lifetime, nor ever would.

Where problems weren't always kept at bay, but when they arrived, were sent packing by the strength and determination of a united front known as "family"... The Walton Family.
One dared not cross Olivia, as JD Pickett found out when he gave her no place to care for the children of the women working in his war factory, but instead decided to put up a tavern! She quietly gathered those children who had been left to fend for themselves in the local parking lot, marched them into that newly established bar and stated that she & the children would be there every day until there was a place for them! He acquiesced and gave her the hours she needed for a day care...right there, her contribution to the war effort.

And John kept a firm but always loving hand upon his children and truly loved his wife...the ultimate example of how it should be done to his then tv children...and to us. The wisdom of Grandpa Zeb who also loved his Esther beyond comprehension...the wiliness of the two of them, the twinkle in their eyes when you just knew they were "up to no good"... and the way they sparkled and came to life when their loved ones were around.

Yes, we all have a deep longing for that kind of relationship within our own families. And some of you may have been or maybe are, blessed to have it.

In today's world especially, we long for those simpler times and the types of things portrayed on our tv screens then, that seem so lacking now.
I guess the closest thing I can see that can even begin to come near it is the series, 'Parenhood'... a Waltonesque' setting in modern times.

Maybe that's the reason we find ourselves somewhat unfulfilled. Why so many of us take to the keyboard rather than the game boards we used to gather around the table to play with our families. The Walton's could seem to do all things right. They were a wonderful example that seemed too good to be true to most of us.
But they gave us a goal to aim for.
Sometimes it was a hit, at others a miss. But through all of our REAL LIFE growings and growing pains, we tried.

And sometimes trying can be enough.

God bless you and your family today. We may not be the Walton's, but most of us can rest in the assurance that we sure gave it our best efforts. And as imperfect as the world is, we have to believe that our best is enough.

~Now~

A quick "Thank You" to my dear friend, Mary Ellen, for posting about my computer ills.
It's not fixed, but presently working. I'll be back as often as the confounded thing keeps breathing!

Have a good rest of the week end! G'night all!
Linda

Quote-Worthy

A truer quote was never spoken...

“I have seen weapons of mass destruction...
I have seen weapons of mass destruction.”

Poverty - is a weapon of mass destruction.
Homelessness - is a weapon of mass destruction.
Joblessness - is a weapon of mass destruction.
Poor Health Care - is a weapon of mass destruction.

And...when a government lies to it’s people
THAT - is a weapon of mass destruction! - Dennis Kucinich